You don't take a photograph.

You ask, quietly, to borrow it.

 Last weekend in honor of Martin Luther King Day (and a three-day break!) I drove to Edmond, Oklahoma, to visit Amanda and see what college life was like outside the TCU bubble. I arrived at about 11:30 a.m., after waking up far too early and berating myself for deciding this was a good idea. I parked and got comfortable, and within a few hours of meeting her roommate and a few other friends I was invited to join them in a photo shoot the next day.

The shoot was to try and imitate the haute coture style of dress and motion found in fashion magazines worldwide using an avant garde thrift-store approach. Because I had missed the initial planning session the day before, I hadn't had a chance to go thrifting and prepare, and I was hesitant about joining in. Nonetheless, I borrowed pieces from all the girls, added crazy makeup, and drove downtown with them in nervous anticipation.

In all our preparations there was one little thing we forgot - at the same time we arrived for the shoot, Edmond was preparing to begin their MLK day parade. And by 'preparing' I mean people were everywhere. We got so many stares we considered simply joining the parade! We'd probably have attracted less notice. But unfortunately, four inch heels aren't really conducive to uneven streets and mile long walks so we stuck with our original plan.

Strange looks aside, the shoot was a ton of fun! Here are some of my favorites from the day:

"There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer." ~Ansel Adams

"Love is often gentle, desire always a rage." ~Mignon McLaughlin

"The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone." ~Johann von Goethe

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem." ~David Carradine

"Freedom lies in being bold" ~Robert Frost

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." ~Mother Teresa

"To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up." ~Oscar Wilde

"A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key."  ~Paul Valéry

"Now we see as through a glass darkly, but then, face to face. " ~Anonymous 

"If you do not raise your eyes, you will think that you are the highest point."  ~Antonio Porchia

"Hate must make a man productive. Otherwise one might as well love." ~Karl Kraus

"With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

All in all we took over 1,000 pictures. Credit goes to Hannah Bingham, Jenny Dahl and Hayley Fisher for being the lovely photographers they are, and for the time and energy they put into editing and uploading. Also, credit to the other models who may have sporadically taken one of these pictures using the ladies' cameras. Thanks for having me!

Breathe

Two a.m. and I'm still awake writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to.

I love the night. That it's currently 3:34 a.m. doesn't affect me much. I've been known to suffer through days of fatigue, swearing to myself that I would go to bed early this time, only to be found awake at four a.m. taking a walk through the darkness.

There's something so serenely beautiful, so incredibly calm about walking through the night. It's like all the worries and cares and rush of everyday life stop, just for a little while, and you're the only one left awake to enjoy the still. Maybe it's because I've always been so busy, but I think I value those quiet moments more than anything else in the world.

I've often talked with friends about how, if we could have a super power, we would chose to be able to sleep but not to need it to survive. There's so much time lost in the dark! And yet, if that wish were granted nighttime would cease to be a peaceful, meditative spell and become a reflection of day, hurried and burdened. Would that really be worth it?

As humans, we sometimes forget that between all the overachieving and attempts to attain perfection we need to breathe, to do nothing but let ourselves unwind. Stress, tension, heartaches - they gather and build up inside until you pause and take the time to let them go with your breath.

The smooth velvet of the night sky puts everything in perspective. It's time to let it go.

Just breathe.

The Secret Life of a Procrastination Princess

You know that point where you have had just about enough of studying and could easily give up and stare at your computer screen waiting for someone to update Facebook for three hours? So do I. Which is why I present to you this awesome list of Things to Do When Absolutely Fed Up With Studying:

1. Become a spy. You've already touched up your stalking skills on Facebook; now tackle stealth with this awesome how-to guide to hollow book making.

2. Get in touch with your inner nerd by playing these online versions of Super Mario.

3. Cook something for someone, then proceed to explain why there's only one tiny bite left (Hey, you can't help it if you're an amazing chef!). Get inspired here.

4. Find out awesome facts, such as, "Naperville Central High School, near Chicago, IL, is the only high school in America with an Egyptian mummy." Dazzle your friends with your newfound knowledge.

5. Watch your favorite childhood movie on YouTube. Extra cool points if you make s'mores in your microwave before hand!

6. Never underestimate the power of WikiHow. I particularly like this article.

7. Write a story. Yes, I know the reason you're reading this list because you want to avoid writing, but do me a favor: think about the last time you were reading a book and thought, "This would be so much better if it had jetpacks (or snowmen, or monkeys that could breathe underwater)." Now write it! Make it funny, terrifying, or inspiring - as long as you enjoy it then you're doing it right. Click for inspiration. And remember, you can't go wrong - I have a friend that is writing a story starring the elements from the periodic table!

8. Go classic - did you know there are dozens of ways to play solitaire? Learn online, then play them with the dusty deck hiding in a drawer under your sink. My personal favorite is Accordion.

Have a favorite procrastination technique? Leave it in the comments!

I'm a different breed, and I'm crazy

Today I salute you, stressed out college student, as you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on Starbucks and Adderall. You think to yourself, 'Am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life?!?' The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you've checked your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr, and even Myspace account 800 times. Christmas break is just days away, and your Prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold drink after that last exam, because for most of us, Christmas will be spent in rehab.

Passing Bells and Sculpted Angels

On that bright immortal shore,
We shall meet to part no more.

This past weekend my family came into town to visit and rather than waste time with travel I decided to stay in the motel with them. Mom informed me not to expect much - to save money, the motel wouldn't exactly be 5-star quality. Rather, it had questionable guests, sofas with holes in them, and a faulty heating/cooling system.

It wasn't until we were sitting in the van waiting for Mom to get the room keys that my dad told me about the graveyard in the parking lot.

...

Yeah. New levels of sketchy have officially been reached.

Apparently, in addition to the four family plots in the parking lot, people who died from floods or sickness were buried on the same grounds. Their graves were marked with simple stones or wooden crosses that disappeared long ago. When the motel foundation was being dug, workers began to come accross bones and other remains throughout the area and realized they were building in the middle of a cemetery!

Being the history nerd that I am, the next morning I woke up and went down to check it out, pushing my way through bushes to get as close to the plots as possible. Because the plots form an L shape and the area in the parking lot is a square, to get that close I had to walk over several unmarked graves. It was an eerie feeling.

Here are some of my favorite pictures, along with the one of the sign that tells all about the plots. To see them larger, simply click on the photo you want to view.

Thirteen days old.

Citizen of the Republic of Texas. This was at the foot of Emily Ayres's headstone.

Note the small, tan stones. They mark graves, but don't immortalize the people they contain.

This area contained unmarked graves.

You may think I'm just fine,

How could anything ever be out of line?
I take my time to set the stage,
To make sure everything is all in place.

It's never easy to deal with death. You're left empty and questioning, longing for more time and searching for that rock you can turn to in grief. But somehow, unexpected death is so much worse. Every feeling is amplified, magnified, thrown constantly into your face. All of a sudden the "Why?"s turn into "Why didn't I?"s and your last shared memory is branded before your eyes. There's a weight in your chest that won't let you breathe. You're grasping for something, anything to make it all right again. You don't simply regret their death; you regret not being more present in their life and not saying what you always wanted and never had the courage for.

Wendy was one of the teachers for my Confirmation class junior year of high school. She was the type of person that everyone naturally respected and looked up to. She worked with a sweets factory and always brought us leftovers, and she was always there to listen if you needed help.

When I first met Wendy, I was immediately struck by her faith. It was so strong! She turned to the Lord for everything, no matter how small. That year was a time I was really struggling with my own faith. I was dealing with the suicide of a close friend and my relationship with God was suffering. Wendy was the person who talked me through the rough times that year and helped shine a light in the darkness to show me back to the right path. She was my role model, the person I looked up to and respected above just about everyone else.

The following summer I learned that Wendy had been diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated. But she taught me to have hope, and I refused to believe she would be anything other than okay. Such a strong person simply couldn't lose to something as little as cancer! She was going to beat it, I was sure, and so I sent her encouraging emails and kept up to date on her progress while she was in the hospital. By January 2010 she was on her way into remission and even had the strength to visit my youth group on the Confirmation retreat I was facilitating at a camp in the hills near our town.

Not long after her visit the emails stopped. I assumed she was doing much better and was the taking time to be with her family, and so I thought nothing of it.

This evening, just before Mass, I got a text from my high school youth pastor:

"Wendy lost her battle with cancer. She passed away this morning."

I was shocked. I asked my choir director if I could go outside for a moment and he asked if I could wait just a moment and run through the Recessional with them. I said no and walked out. Before the door had fully closed behind me I was on the floor sobbing. This couldn't be happening! She was so healthy and full of life, it just wasn't fair, or possible, or...fair!

The rest of Mass, and really this evening, passed in a blur.

I spent this weekend at a retreat with my college youth group, learning how to let go and let God and live for Him. But nothing puts life in perspective like the death of someone you care about.

RIP Wendy Havner, loving mentor and friend.

Things aren't always what they seem.
You're only seeing part of me.
There's more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes.

You wanna know more, more, more about me?

Gotta know reverse psychology.
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep.
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see.

I've had today's song stuck in my head for at least two weeks now. It's called Tangled Up in Me by Skye Sweetnam, and I've made the executive decision to make it the theme song of my life.

Theme songs are wonderfully handy for a number of reasons.

First of all, meeting people suddenly becomes a lot more interesting. Your peers pull out business cards; you get to break out the karaoke machine.

Secondly, anybody who's anybody has a theme song. Darth Vadar, the Power Rangers, heck, even Obama has Pomp and Circumstance.

And finally, remember that time you were up at four am trying to finish the paper your English-teacher-from-the-second-century-BC assigned? When the words started to blur together and your trashcan was filled with 17 empty cups of Starbucks? Revisit that unhappy moment, adding in your theme song strategically. All of a sudden it's worth it, right? You are mighty! You are powerful! You are no longer drooling on your keyboard! You are student, hear you roar!

Seriously though, you might want to look into getting some help for that Starbucks habit...

You wanna know more, more, more about me?
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine.
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cuz I left late again...
Hey, hey!
Get tangled up in me.

Got any cool ideas for your own theme song? Leave it in the comments below!