Why do we write "About Me"s anyway?

Just close your eyes,
The sun is going down.
You'll be alright,
No one can hurt you now.
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound.

Hi, I'm Danika.

I'm obsessed with medeival weaponary and with all things related to Sherlock Holmes. I sometimes wear ballgowns around my room while I clean because I like the way they make me feel. I think pickles whole or sliced in half are delicious but the ridged ones they put on burgers are absolutely disgusting.

 I play Quidditch, I knit, I sing at inappropriate times. I've travelled to seven countries and am still counting.

Sometimes I don't say a word all day simply because I don't feel like it.

I'm the girl you see dancing around on the sidewalk and who reads while walking and who thinks chocolate covered strawberries are God's gift to mankind.

Nice to meet you. Let's be friends.

It's just another war

I'm just a step away,
I'm just a breath away,
Losing my faith today,
Falling off the edge today.

It's been a long time since I announced I had awesome ideas for break, and I apologize. I had some big plans for this site over the past few months, but unfortunately I just couldn't seem to find enough hours in the day to bring them to fruition.

After Spring Break I dove into extracurriculars and academics and preparation for this year. I spent the summer working three jobs to pay my way to Eastern Europe for the month of July (for more about our amazing adventures, check out the group blog here) and prepping for my debut as a Resident Assistant nine days after my return to the States. And, as a few of you may know, being an RA is a 24/7 job that is both one of the most fufilling and exhausting experiences in existance, so I've been kept plenty busy here at school.

All of the wonderful opportunites I've had, however, have left me absolutely drained and exhausted. I have two up-to-date planners but I can't seem to keep on top of the workload. It's not that I can't handle it; I've done that before and been just fine. It's that I've not stopped going since Spring Break long enough to get fully on top of things.

Which brings me to now, studying for my first test of the year (today at 1 pm. Eep!) and absolutely freaking out. I'm in the home stretch - come Thursday, I'll finally be able to breathe! - and I'm eternally distracted, so my patience with myself and others is wearing thin. Because of that, I'd like to formally apologize.

If I've snapped at you, if I'm going to snap at you or if in any way you feel upset by my lack of common courtesy over the next two days, I'm sorry. Keep a list. I'll make it up to you.

Love,

At least I'm finally on Pottermore


I've gotta fight today,
To live another day...
I'm not superhuman,
My voice will be heard today.

Painted windows on the skyline

I know the distance it takes
to sail around the world.
I've done it many times
on seas of Van Gogh green.

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

~Rosemary Urquico

I'll be home before you know I'm gone.

You don't take a photograph.

You ask, quietly, to borrow it.

 Last weekend in honor of Martin Luther King Day (and a three-day break!) I drove to Edmond, Oklahoma, to visit Amanda and see what college life was like outside the TCU bubble. I arrived at about 11:30 a.m., after waking up far too early and berating myself for deciding this was a good idea. I parked and got comfortable, and within a few hours of meeting her roommate and a few other friends I was invited to join them in a photo shoot the next day.

The shoot was to try and imitate the haute coture style of dress and motion found in fashion magazines worldwide using an avant garde thrift-store approach. Because I had missed the initial planning session the day before, I hadn't had a chance to go thrifting and prepare, and I was hesitant about joining in. Nonetheless, I borrowed pieces from all the girls, added crazy makeup, and drove downtown with them in nervous anticipation.

In all our preparations there was one little thing we forgot - at the same time we arrived for the shoot, Edmond was preparing to begin their MLK day parade. And by 'preparing' I mean people were everywhere. We got so many stares we considered simply joining the parade! We'd probably have attracted less notice. But unfortunately, four inch heels aren't really conducive to uneven streets and mile long walks so we stuck with our original plan.

Strange looks aside, the shoot was a ton of fun! Here are some of my favorites from the day:

"There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer." ~Ansel Adams

"Love is often gentle, desire always a rage." ~Mignon McLaughlin

"The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone." ~Johann von Goethe

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem." ~David Carradine

"Freedom lies in being bold" ~Robert Frost

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." ~Mother Teresa

"To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up." ~Oscar Wilde

"A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key."  ~Paul Valéry

"Now we see as through a glass darkly, but then, face to face. " ~Anonymous 

"If you do not raise your eyes, you will think that you are the highest point."  ~Antonio Porchia

"Hate must make a man productive. Otherwise one might as well love." ~Karl Kraus

"With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

All in all we took over 1,000 pictures. Credit goes to Hannah Bingham, Jenny Dahl and Hayley Fisher for being the lovely photographers they are, and for the time and energy they put into editing and uploading. Also, credit to the other models who may have sporadically taken one of these pictures using the ladies' cameras. Thanks for having me!

Breathe

Two a.m. and I'm still awake writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to.

I love the night. That it's currently 3:34 a.m. doesn't affect me much. I've been known to suffer through days of fatigue, swearing to myself that I would go to bed early this time, only to be found awake at four a.m. taking a walk through the darkness.

There's something so serenely beautiful, so incredibly calm about walking through the night. It's like all the worries and cares and rush of everyday life stop, just for a little while, and you're the only one left awake to enjoy the still. Maybe it's because I've always been so busy, but I think I value those quiet moments more than anything else in the world.

I've often talked with friends about how, if we could have a super power, we would chose to be able to sleep but not to need it to survive. There's so much time lost in the dark! And yet, if that wish were granted nighttime would cease to be a peaceful, meditative spell and become a reflection of day, hurried and burdened. Would that really be worth it?

As humans, we sometimes forget that between all the overachieving and attempts to attain perfection we need to breathe, to do nothing but let ourselves unwind. Stress, tension, heartaches - they gather and build up inside until you pause and take the time to let them go with your breath.

The smooth velvet of the night sky puts everything in perspective. It's time to let it go.

Just breathe.

The Secret Life of a Procrastination Princess

You know that point where you have had just about enough of studying and could easily give up and stare at your computer screen waiting for someone to update Facebook for three hours? So do I. Which is why I present to you this awesome list of Things to Do When Absolutely Fed Up With Studying:

1. Become a spy. You've already touched up your stalking skills on Facebook; now tackle stealth with this awesome how-to guide to hollow book making.

2. Get in touch with your inner nerd by playing these online versions of Super Mario.

3. Cook something for someone, then proceed to explain why there's only one tiny bite left (Hey, you can't help it if you're an amazing chef!). Get inspired here.

4. Find out awesome facts, such as, "Naperville Central High School, near Chicago, IL, is the only high school in America with an Egyptian mummy." Dazzle your friends with your newfound knowledge.

5. Watch your favorite childhood movie on YouTube. Extra cool points if you make s'mores in your microwave before hand!

6. Never underestimate the power of WikiHow. I particularly like this article.

7. Write a story. Yes, I know the reason you're reading this list because you want to avoid writing, but do me a favor: think about the last time you were reading a book and thought, "This would be so much better if it had jetpacks (or snowmen, or monkeys that could breathe underwater)." Now write it! Make it funny, terrifying, or inspiring - as long as you enjoy it then you're doing it right. Click for inspiration. And remember, you can't go wrong - I have a friend that is writing a story starring the elements from the periodic table!

8. Go classic - did you know there are dozens of ways to play solitaire? Learn online, then play them with the dusty deck hiding in a drawer under your sink. My personal favorite is Accordion.

Have a favorite procrastination technique? Leave it in the comments!

You may think I'm just fine,

How could anything ever be out of line?
I take my time to set the stage,
To make sure everything is all in place.

It's never easy to deal with death. You're left empty and questioning, longing for more time and searching for that rock you can turn to in grief. But somehow, unexpected death is so much worse. Every feeling is amplified, magnified, thrown constantly into your face. All of a sudden the "Why?"s turn into "Why didn't I?"s and your last shared memory is branded before your eyes. There's a weight in your chest that won't let you breathe. You're grasping for something, anything to make it all right again. You don't simply regret their death; you regret not being more present in their life and not saying what you always wanted and never had the courage for.

Wendy was one of the teachers for my Confirmation class junior year of high school. She was the type of person that everyone naturally respected and looked up to. She worked with a sweets factory and always brought us leftovers, and she was always there to listen if you needed help.

When I first met Wendy, I was immediately struck by her faith. It was so strong! She turned to the Lord for everything, no matter how small. That year was a time I was really struggling with my own faith. I was dealing with the suicide of a close friend and my relationship with God was suffering. Wendy was the person who talked me through the rough times that year and helped shine a light in the darkness to show me back to the right path. She was my role model, the person I looked up to and respected above just about everyone else.

The following summer I learned that Wendy had been diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated. But she taught me to have hope, and I refused to believe she would be anything other than okay. Such a strong person simply couldn't lose to something as little as cancer! She was going to beat it, I was sure, and so I sent her encouraging emails and kept up to date on her progress while she was in the hospital. By January 2010 she was on her way into remission and even had the strength to visit my youth group on the Confirmation retreat I was facilitating at a camp in the hills near our town.

Not long after her visit the emails stopped. I assumed she was doing much better and was the taking time to be with her family, and so I thought nothing of it.

This evening, just before Mass, I got a text from my high school youth pastor:

"Wendy lost her battle with cancer. She passed away this morning."

I was shocked. I asked my choir director if I could go outside for a moment and he asked if I could wait just a moment and run through the Recessional with them. I said no and walked out. Before the door had fully closed behind me I was on the floor sobbing. This couldn't be happening! She was so healthy and full of life, it just wasn't fair, or possible, or...fair!

The rest of Mass, and really this evening, passed in a blur.

I spent this weekend at a retreat with my college youth group, learning how to let go and let God and live for Him. But nothing puts life in perspective like the death of someone you care about.

RIP Wendy Havner, loving mentor and friend.

Things aren't always what they seem.
You're only seeing part of me.
There's more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes.