I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again.
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere.

Yesterday marked eleven months of being eighteen. One left.

A week ago marked the halfway point of my first college semester. Seven and a half left.

Every milestone I hit draws me closer to my future. As a pre-Major with interests in everything from how time is affected by gravity to the culture of the Middle Ages to singing, that's a scary prospect. Exactly what is my future?

A few weeks ago I was walking back to my dorm after class and passed by a young mother with two little children reading on the lawn in front of Ed Landreth Auditorium. They didn't notice me and as I walked by the little girl, reading like her mom, and the little boy, playing with his trucks, a sense of calm came over me that I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt peaceful, and sure; it was almost like God somehow sensed my fear and unease and showed me a glimpse of how things will be, if only I could trust Him.

College this far has provided me with wonderful friends and growing experiences (Stereotypical pink laundry? Undercooked ramen? Check and check), and some hard lessons in life. And to say anything less than that I love it would be a gross misunderstanding. But when I start to write

7:06 am - Brush teeth

and

5:19 pm - Start laundry

in my planner, it's a safe bet to say that the stress is getting to me, and I'm literally running place to place in the effort to fit everything in.

This weekend is homecoming for my college, which equates to two things: three days of solid commitments, and zero sleep. My goal is to take an hour sometime before then and do absolutely nothing productive. Maybe I'll take my weather-worn copy of A Little Princess to the swing in front of Jarvis and enjoy the breeze. Or maybe I'll blast Broadway tunes while I paint my long-neglected nails in seven different colors. I might just take a nap. And for a college student, that may be the best of all.

All that I've missed I see in the reflection,
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention.
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart.